Xoxo.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Hi i suddenly feel like blogging.
Am i being paranoid or what? I'm always afraid people talking my behind back. I know people do but I'm talking about my own friends. Like i feel insecure. When i let loose and be myself I'm afraid they would judge me & find me annoying. Especially when I'm high when i drink. I just be myself and not care anything. But once I'm sober i start thinking how ridiculous i was. Was i being annoying or whatever? I don't know! But i shouldn't think this way right? They're my friends. They won't do this to me. But who knows, people are hypocrites sometimes without realising. We all bitch, we know that. Some times even behind our friend's back. Or prolly i'm just insecure. I should really stop feeling this way and be myself. It's me for who i am and my real friends will accept me . Right?
I'm so flabby i need to start exercising.
Okaye, time to go study with Kim @ Holland V. Its my major year and i better buck up & work hard. Kthxbye. ¶ 4:27 PM 0 Comments
Monday, October 4, 2010
Okay after ALL the ranting, IM GOING OCIP, LAOS! HAHHAHA HAPPY GIRL IS ME! Seriously did not expect myself to go Ocip at all! Hahahahah.
And Clynton and me is more or less fine. Hehehe
Clynton is so sweet. He made for me heart shape french toasts this morning and fetched me to school! Aww, i love him sooo dearly ^^
Bio/Chem paper was more or less alright for me. Mcq only had one or two wrong. Woohoo.
Im just stressing for math now.
Feel so relieved. ¶ 2:55 PM 0 Comments
And Clynton and me is more or less fine. Hehehe
Clynton is so sweet. He made for me heart shape french toasts this morning and fetched me to school! Aww, i love him sooo dearly ^^
Bio/Chem paper was more or less alright for me. Mcq only had one or two wrong. Woohoo.
Im just stressing for math now.
Feel so relieved. ¶ 2:55 PM 0 Comments
Friday, October 1, 2010
No tears to cry.
This is so unexpected for me to post. But i have to. I need to rant damn badly. Fuck this feeling. I just need to rant all out. I guess everyone has their own problems so i cant seek any listening ear now. Hopefully after I'm done, everything will be alright.Right.
Studies is like priority now. And I know everybody will say I will be able to promote. But fuck you, you will never know. What if I fail mathematics? It IS my poorest subject now and It IS the fucking most important subject.Fuck. I have been telling myself N level is so fucking easy, i can pass with no problems. But fuck, there's just this uneasy and insecure feeling in me k. After all, I don't even fucking know whether everything I've studied have been absorbed or not. I just need N level to be over.
OCIP. I feel fucking retarded brooding over OCIP. Yah, i just said OCIP. I want to go badly. I don't know why but i want to k. I realise that all these years in STC I've done nothing to help the world/Singapore or anything.(Other than complusory RedCross. I dint even fucking attend the old folks home thing with my class.) But Ya lah, I also want to have fun. Who don't? Seeing all my friends talking bout their upcoming trip and all makes me feel shitty.Out casted.
Besides that, I've actually already asked Miss Koh to let me go for the one in June. But i got fucking rejected. Why? Cause i did badly for Mid years. That convinced me at first.Not until a few others told me they did around my standard too. Fuck. That was fucking hurting. She probably just disliked me or what so ever. Okay, its okay. I got over that soon after.
But fuck okay. This second upcoming trip, I wasnt even told anything bout it until the places were all full. And Miss Koh actually told me that i can join this current batch of girls to go when when she did not allow me to go for the first trip in mid june. But fuck, where did all that hopes went? Down the drain. Where did all the "We will give every girl a chance to blah blah blah" go?Why don't you prioritize this kind of OCIP trips to those who don't have any leadership position or anything eles?
The last thing in my mind. You. I am so sorry to say but i know I've neglected you because I've been studying hardcore. I have no choice. And because of my priorities, we've drifted apart enormously. I don't know. I just know you're some where deep in side my heart. But fuck, i don't feel that I've been missing you much. I don't feel the sourness I used to feel when something happened between us in the past. Not at all. Infact, I only missed you a little occasionally thats all. Omg, I so sorry. I don't know what has happened but this is what i feel currently. Lets just hope its cause I'm having intensive studying these weeks. If things don't fall back together after this crucial period, I have nothing to say. I don't want to hurt you but I've no control. Okay, maybe i do. Maybe we just have to get back the intimacy and things will be fine after. I just hope so. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know! Okay, i confess, i miss the time when everything just started. The everything that were so sweet . After months, the intimacy just some how or rather fade. Some how. Urgh, Fuck. Okay, I shan't fucking care now alright. Just know that you are still in my heart some where. We will settle this after my Exams. I will. ¶ 10:19 PM 0 Comments
Studies is like priority now. And I know everybody will say I will be able to promote. But fuck you, you will never know. What if I fail mathematics? It IS my poorest subject now and It IS the fucking most important subject.Fuck. I have been telling myself N level is so fucking easy, i can pass with no problems. But fuck, there's just this uneasy and insecure feeling in me k. After all, I don't even fucking know whether everything I've studied have been absorbed or not. I just need N level to be over.
OCIP. I feel fucking retarded brooding over OCIP. Yah, i just said OCIP. I want to go badly. I don't know why but i want to k. I realise that all these years in STC I've done nothing to help the world/Singapore or anything.(Other than complusory RedCross. I dint even fucking attend the old folks home thing with my class.) But Ya lah, I also want to have fun. Who don't? Seeing all my friends talking bout their upcoming trip and all makes me feel shitty.Out casted.
Besides that, I've actually already asked Miss Koh to let me go for the one in June. But i got fucking rejected. Why? Cause i did badly for Mid years. That convinced me at first.Not until a few others told me they did around my standard too. Fuck. That was fucking hurting. She probably just disliked me or what so ever. Okay, its okay. I got over that soon after.
But fuck okay. This second upcoming trip, I wasnt even told anything bout it until the places were all full. And Miss Koh actually told me that i can join this current batch of girls to go when when she did not allow me to go for the first trip in mid june. But fuck, where did all that hopes went? Down the drain. Where did all the "We will give every girl a chance to blah blah blah" go?Why don't you prioritize this kind of OCIP trips to those who don't have any leadership position or anything eles?
The last thing in my mind. You. I am so sorry to say but i know I've neglected you because I've been studying hardcore. I have no choice. And because of my priorities, we've drifted apart enormously. I don't know. I just know you're some where deep in side my heart. But fuck, i don't feel that I've been missing you much. I don't feel the sourness I used to feel when something happened between us in the past. Not at all. Infact, I only missed you a little occasionally thats all. Omg, I so sorry. I don't know what has happened but this is what i feel currently. Lets just hope its cause I'm having intensive studying these weeks. If things don't fall back together after this crucial period, I have nothing to say. I don't want to hurt you but I've no control. Okay, maybe i do. Maybe we just have to get back the intimacy and things will be fine after. I just hope so. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know! Okay, i confess, i miss the time when everything just started. The everything that were so sweet . After months, the intimacy just some how or rather fade. Some how. Urgh, Fuck. Okay, I shan't fucking care now alright. Just know that you are still in my heart some where. We will settle this after my Exams. I will. ¶ 10:19 PM 0 Comments
